The Shaved Soapbox

Blonde mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank cheque and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The basics of copy & paste

A popular motivational speaker addressing his audience said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and Applause

Condom shortage in New Zealand

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zealand, is rudely awoken at 4 am by the telephone.

'Helen, it's the Health Minister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Auckland has burned to the ground. It is estimated the entire New Zealand supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week.!!!'

Time Travel

It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the
early hours of the morning.

All you need to know about banking

Q: What are banks for?
A: To make money.

Q: For the customers?
A: For the banks.

Polisieman

Die berede polisieman was op sy perd, op die punt om die straat oor te steek, toe 'n dogtertjie met haar blink trapfiets langs hom stop.

"Mooi fiets," se hy, "het Kersvader dit vir jou gebring?"

A likely situation for me

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

Golf lessons

A young woman had been taking golf lessons.

She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Only in Australia

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast.

He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.