Eskom Horroscopes


Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 21) :Things will be pretty dark for you today, unless you remember to buy new torchbatteries.


Taurus (Apr 21 – May 21) :You'll probably eat cold, raw food again today.  Try to remember to getthat gas cylinder filled!  Be cheerful, though, and remember that yourancestors lived like this and survived – 25,000 years ago.


Gemini (May 21 – Jun 22) :There will be a programme on TV tonight that you'll love.  Bu mmer thatyou can't watch it 'cause it's on during your allotted "block" in theEskom disco derby…


Cancer (Jun 22 – Jul 23) :Thought you were smart buying that generator?  But we know you're going torun out of fuel tonight and the nearest working petrol station is 20kmaway.  As you get there, we'll cut their power… Sorry.


Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 24) : Anothermorning without that essential cup of coffee awaits you…  If youmake it to 10am we'll reward you with enough power to make some, but bythen you'll probably have killed 3 people and severely injured a 4th. (Don't worry, though.  This is the New SA – you'll probably get away withit.)


Virgo (Aug 24- Sep 23) :Not for very much longer…  What else is there to do after dark?


Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 23) :Your star-sign stands for fairness and justice.  That's why we're going tohit your area with three 2hr outages a day, while the area where yourlocal MP stays will enjoy uninterrupted power throughout.


Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 23) :Your area's assigned outage "block" is from 10:00 to 12:30. Expect the power to go off any time before or after that.  And don't thinkit will only be out for two-and-a-half hours, either.


Sagittarius (Nov 23- Dec 22) :Today you'll buy some food that is apparently within its sell-by date. What you won't realize is that the sell-by date is for food that hasbeen stored in a constantly operating fridge…. Although you'll get severe food poisoning, we think you may survive if youcan find an emergency ward that has back-up generators.  Good luck!


Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 21) :Don't bother to go to work today.  During the hours when you actually willhave electricity, your network provider will not, so you won't be able to doanything anyway.  Stay home and well…. there's not much to dothere either, is there?


Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 20) :Today you'll get so fed up with our incompetence that you'll decide toemigrate.  We regret to inform you that this is no longerpossible…  The airports have all shut down, because – well think aboutit!  They need electricity to run the place!!  You ain't going -nowhere…


Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 21) :Today all your hopes and dreams will come true.  You'll have power during"Days of Our Lives".


If today is your birthday : Use lots and lots of candles on that cake – even if they don'treflect your age.  How else are you going to see to open the presents?

You will receive the ideal gift -your very own miner's helmet!!

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