1. >From 7 Sep to 20 October 2007, you should read the sports section of
the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the
World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations.
If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you
will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, the VCR and DVD are all
mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse
of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't
mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting
me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put
clothes on right after because if you catch something in the eye or a
I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the
World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick
up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and
please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to
watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between
12pm and 3pm, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams
is losing, DO NOT say 'get over it, it's only a game', or 'don't worry,
they'll win next time'. If you say these things, you will only make me
angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know
more about rugby than me and your so called 'words of encouragement'
will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to
me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the
halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying
'one' game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to
'spend time together'.
8. The replays of the tries are very important. I don't care if I have
seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times,
and record them.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch
game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying 'but
you have already seen this…why don't you change the channel to
something we can all watch??', the reply will be: 'Refer to Rule #2 of
12. Please save your expressions such as 'Thank goodness the World Cup
is only every 4 years'. I am immune to these words, because after this
comes the reruns of the Rugby World Cup, the TWENTY TWENTY WORLD CUP etc etc.
13. And finally, if you are female and your "man" likes rugby less than
you, he is not a real man and shall be bound by these rules and
additionally be referred to as "the bitch" for the duration of the World
Thank you for your cooperation.
Men of the world