Author: Baldy

Rugby World Cup Rules for Women

 

 1. >From 7 Sep to 20 October 2007, you should read the sports section of
 the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the
 World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations.
 If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you
 will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any
 attention.
 2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, the VCR and DVD are all
 mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse
 of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

 3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't
 mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting
 me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put
 clothes on right after because if you catch something in the eye or a 
  cold,
 I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the 
World Cup month.

 4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
 refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
 expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick
 up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it won't happen.

 5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
 fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and
 please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to
 watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between
 12pm and 3pm, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the
 day.

 6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams
 is losing, DO NOT say 'get over it, it's only a game', or 'don't worry,
 they'll win next time'. If you say these things, you will only make me
 angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know
 more about rugby than me and your so called 'words of encouragement'
 will only lead to a break up or divorce.

 7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to
 me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the
 halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying
 'one' game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to
 'spend time together'.

 8. The replays of the tries are very important. I don't care if I have
 seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times,
 and record them.

 9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
 parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
 a) I will not go,
 b) I will not go, and
 c) I will not go.

 10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch 
a
 game, we will be there in a flash.

 11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
 important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying 'but
 you have already seen this…why don't you change the channel to
 something we can all watch??', the reply will be: 'Refer to Rule #2 of
 this list'.

 12. Please save your expressions such as 'Thank goodness the World Cup
 is only every 4 years'. I am immune to these words, because after this
 comes the reruns of the Rugby World Cup, the TWENTY TWENTY WORLD CUP etc etc.

 13. And finally, if you are female and your "man" likes rugby less than
 you, he is not a real man and shall be bound by these rules and
 additionally be referred to as "the bitch" for the duration of the World 
 Cup
 Thank you for your cooperation.

 Regards

 Men of the world

Waste of our tax money

The fired deputy minister of health has been asked to repay the money spent on her unauthorised trip to Spain.  So far the only figure I heard was for the money spent on flights, R312,000.  No, not Zim Dollar, South African Rand!

Now, I can iunderstand a government minister flying first class, but why should her son and advisor fly first class as well.  Actually, I changed my mind, I don't see any reason for anyone to fly first class with my tax money.  How many people could you have built houses for with that fare?  At least 10 families with the price of a low cost house.

I just tried to book tickets to Spain for 3 adults on SAA's website, at a cost of R147,000 for 3 people in Business Class, apparently First class is not available on the route.  Now assuming that our government uses it's own carrier at specially arranged prices, why was the deputy minister's fare more than double this amount?

Some food for thought… 

 

PS. 

I just tried to book first class tickets on BA for the same route, and there I could get it for just under R60K for 3 adults, why would SAA be double the price for cheaper the seats as well? 

Clever Females

It has longbeen contended that there are male jokes and there are female jokes, and thereare unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it toyou in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a womanwho will love it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with hergirlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-agedman entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directlytoward her. (As men will.)

Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over andwhispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want meto do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00…on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied,"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a$20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with heraddress. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said:

 

 "Clean my house."

Breathalyser

 

Ethel was a bit of a demon in herwheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on onewheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwichshort of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actuallyjoined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up onecorridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his armoutstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you gota license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulledout a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.

"OK" he said, and away Ethelsped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TVlounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted"STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag,pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said"On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor,Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his"You-Know- What" in his hand. "Oh, good grief," yelledEthel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"

 

Soft skills to help you excel in IT

I received this piece by email and thought I have to share it. 

ITprofessionals know that the development of technical skills is fundamental andnon-negotiable in the development of their careers.  The degree to which these technical skills are achieved and applied can beeasily measured through tests.  They can also be noted at a glance by simply finding out what tertiaryeducation the professionals have done and what qualifications were achieved atany one of the country's 21 universities.

At the Cape Peninsula University of Technology alone, there are 25 000 studentsdeveloping their technical skills and preparing for the working world by comingto grips with the technologies, theories and histories of their chosen careers.  But learning about and mastering the subject matter is only one of thenecessary talents every IT professional must cultivate.  There is a strong human component: essentially eight soft skills that must alsobe mastered for industry players to excel in their chosen technology fields.

Energy

Whether yourtechnical skills are average or above- average, applying a positive attitudeand energy can improve the working environment and your career prospectssignificantly.

Be energised about how you view problems, be positive in your approach tosolving them, and show conviction.

Attitude and energy applies as much to what you do as it does to how you do it.It also applies to the interpersonal skills you bring to the workplace.

Simply because you are a friendly person does not mean that you automaticallyhave the energy and attitude to be successful in your chosen IT career.

Communication

In anyprofession, communication is important. The more communicative you are, themore you will find yourself surrounded by people and projects that help yougrow your career prospects rather than bog you down with problems and hurdles.

Communicating ideas is important; doing so in ways that the people you aretalking to will understand is even more so.

In IT, however, there is an added need for written communication as it isimportant to provide users of systems or products with manuals and informationon how to maximise the solution.

Perspective

Keepingperspective when faced with major obstacles is a must.  It enables you to see complaints, compliments, issues and non-issues for whatthey really are.

Understanding the context in which things occur is also important. If neitheris done, it becomes difficult to overcome issues, little problems can be blownout of proportion and solutions mismatched.

Without context, you could find yourself scrambling to chase away the smokerather than putting out the fire. Worse, without perspective you could befuelling the fire instead of fighting it.

Business savvy

To ensurea successful, prosperous and long career in IT, it is important to understandthe business as well.  It is necessary to get a grip on what drives the business, to understand whatthe business's objectives are and what your role is in getting it there.  To effectively do your job, it is necessary to know what your managers anddirectors want of you and what the company's clients expect of you.

In coming to terms with the business, you must align yourself with it. If youfind that alignment is not possible, it is best to move on as you serve no oneworking for a company that you do not understand or appreciate.

Control

Control relatesto how you approach leadership. There must be an understanding and respect forthose in positions of leadership in the business.  They must be used as mentors to expand your skills and knowledge on as manyfronts as possible.  Occasionally, management decisions should be challenged, provided the businessstands to benefit.

Responsibility

On theother side of the control coin, those in positions of leadership must applythemselves to sharing their knowledge and they must lead by example.  Your leadership ambition must be fuelled by energy, but it must be checked byperspective and context, assisted through communication and guided by businesssavvy and control.

Direction

Responsibilityfor your career is yours and yours alone. Companies cannot be expected to tellyou what career you should be following or how to get there. Rather, theyshould assist in your career growth.  This is most effectively done when you align yourself with the business andtake responsibility for yourself, your knowledge and your actions.

Generalisation

Technology requires very specific skills to be acquired, but toensure a successful career in IT, you must complement these skills with ageneralist approach.  Broadening your knowledge and understanding in your chosen field, and coming toterms with the more general concerns that surround it, gives you power to goplaces. 
It makes you more marketable to employers and more sellable to customers. Whilespecialists can make money, generalists rule the world.