Smile for the day – Auntie Karen

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment – Get their

parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

 

Michael said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying

hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the

front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the

eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

 

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

 

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

 

Very good," said the teacher.

 

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said,

 

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat

market.  We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

 

"That was a fine story Sarah.  Ashleigh, do you have a story to share?"

  

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunty Karen.

 

Aunty Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was

hit.

 

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle

of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

 

She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she

landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of

them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she

killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she

killed the last ten with her bare hands."

 

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did

your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

 

"Stay the f**k away from Aunty Karen when she's been drinking."

Crime plan for Joburg: South Africa: News: News24

Is this the best you can do?  Another 500 fat, lazy (ok, not all of them, but a lot) people to manage speed traps and check that no-one is talking on a cellphone while driving.

Get real, that's not what we need.  We need visible policing, to stop our road carnage, as well as the out-of-control crime rate in our country.

We should really look at automated speed traps, and get the Metro cops to start doing their work.  I see hundreds of taxis (mostly) and other cars skipping red traffic lights every week.  These are in a few hot spots around the city, which the Metro Police know about, but do nothing about, it is much easier to just sit behind a speed camera than to actually pull someone over.

I challenge the management of Jo'burg and the Metro Police to do better than this. 

Link to Crime plan for Joburg: South Africa: News: News24

FIN24 : No Bonus for Eskom CEO

 The ID has stated that Eskom's CEO should not get his bonus this year, because he has not sorted out the issues at the parastatal.

I think you're way to easy on him and his whole management team.  They've proven beyond doubt that they cannot manage the company, and the problems aren't the same as last year, they are getting worse.  The fact that the CEO got a bonus last year, measured in millions, is appalling!

Replace the whole top structure with people qualified for the job, so that our country can start growing.

Link to FIN24 : Empowering Financial Decisions

Verkoopsman

'n Verkoopsman wat van deur tot deur loop klop aan die soveelste deur.
'n Seuntjie, so ag jaar oud, maak die deur oop. Hy het sykouse aan met bypassende kousophouers. In sy een hand is 'n Martini en in die ander 'n vet sigaar.
"Is jou mammie tuis boeta?" vra die verkoopsman.
Die seuntjie kyk stip na hom vir twee sekondes en antwoord stadig: "Lyk dit fokkin so?"

Mayor ‘puts Merc before water’: South Africa: News: News24

 This is getting ridiculous!  If you read the article, have a look at the related ones as well.

All over the country the mayors of small towns are spending huge amounts of money on their mayoral cars (read company cars), instead of spending the money on necessities for the community.

This abuse of power has got to stop now!

I think the national government needs to step in here and pass legislation as to how much each class of mayor is allowed to spend on a car.  I'm not saying they should not get cars to do their duties, but does the mayor of Pofadder(just an example) really deserve the same type of car as the mayor of Jo'burg or Cape Town?  Hell No!

Run it like a group of companies.  You have your CEO (the president of the country), he's allowed to get the big car with the chaufeur.  Let's say he can spend 1,5 million for example.  His direct reports (cabinet ministers) are allowed to spend 1 million.  This is the "holding company".

Now, all subsidiaries(cities & towns) are allowed to buy cars for their management, but they're not allowed to be worth more than what the holding company's management is driving, and it should also be reflective of the size of company(town) you run.

So, for the big cities, the companies that contribute most to the holding company, the management can splash a bit, and lets say spend 600K-750K.  There are only 6 or 7 of these.  Then the price comes down as the size of the town comes down.  So that the mayor of a small rural town in Mpumalanga(once again an example), is only allowed to get a Toyota Corolla or something similarly priced.  That is more in line with the amount of responsibility you have.

This system works well, and is understood well in the business world, it is time our government wakes up to the fact.  When you are ellected to office, it is first and foremost to serve the community, if you do it well, they will reward you, it is not to serve your own interests, and abuse your newfound power.

 

Source: Mayor 'puts Merc before water': South Africa: News: News24

Reincarnation

 

Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as
he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Colin, "and what are you doing in my
bedroom?"

The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Colin was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to
live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family….you've got to send me
back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around
pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Colin, "but I have this strange feeling inside
like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before". "Never" replies Colin
"Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and
his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the
firsttime.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that
ever happened to him…ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting

"Colin, skrik wakker jou dronk vark, jy KAK in die bed!!!"

The world is my dustbin

What is it with South African drivers and their need to hear glass break on tar wherever they go?  In the last 3 years the amount of borken glass on our roads has gotten much worse, and the other worrying fact is that it is mostly alcohol bottles being broken on the roads.  A lot of green glass, and often you can still see the labels stuck to parts as well.

I'm getting quite sick of this, because of the amount of time I spent on the road on a bicycle, I have to keep on dodging glass, sometimes in the face of oncoming traffic.  Unfortunately bicycle tyres have a similar price to car tyres, and I cannot afford to keep on replacing them on a too regular basis so I have to dodge the glass.

It also seems that most South Africans think that our beautiful country is one big dustbin, no need to walk to the nearest bin to dump rubbish, just drop it where you want.

All of us are directly or indirectly paying for waste management services, why not use it?

You do not see this problem in other countries, because there you would get a severe fine, or even jail time for dumping your rubbish on the street.  These countries have a proper strategy in place.  It's called visible policing, and their cops aren't too lazy to enforce even the simplest of rules, by the book!  Why can't our cops do the same?