Author: Baldy

Scenario: Johnnyand Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1960 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shakehands and end up mates.

2007 – Police are called, Armed Response Unitarrives and arrests Johnny and Mark.  Mobiles with video of fightconfiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, SBOs are taken out andboth are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences andparent meetings conducted. Video shown on 6 internet sites.

Scenario: Jeffreywon't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 – Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office andgiven 6 of the best. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt classagain.

2007 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin.Counselled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extrafunding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school.

Scenario: Billy breaksa window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him the slipper.

1960 – Billy is more careful next time, grows upnormal, goes to college, and becomes a  successful businessman.

2007 – Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang.  Psychologist tellsBilly's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goesto  prison. Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist. Psychologistgets a promotion. 

Scenario: Mark, acollege student, brings cigarettes to school.

1960 – Mark shares a smoke with the school principalout on the smoking area.

2007 – Police are called and Mark is expelled fromSchool for drug possession. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Mohammedfails high school English.

1960 – Mohammed retakes his exam, passes and goes tocollege.

2007 – Mohammed's cause is taken up by local humanrights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that makingEnglish a requirement for graduation is racist. Civil Liberties Associationfiles class action lawsuit against state school system and his English teacher.English is banned from core curriculum. Mohammed is given his qualificationanyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takesapart leftover firecrackers, puts them in a model plane paint bottle and blowsup an anthill.

1960 – Ants die.

2007 – MI5 and police are called and Johnny is chargedwith perpetrating acts of terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings areremoved from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on aterror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny fallsduring break and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, andgives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 – Johnny soon feels better and goes back toplaying.

2007 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator andloses her job. She faces three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years oftherapy. Becomes gay.

A man gets up one morning to findhis wife in the kitchen cooking, he looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in frying pan. "What are you doing?" he asks. "I'm doing what you asked meto do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied.  

Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don'tremember asking her to cook my sock…"

Vincent walks into a bar in Pretoria, orders three pints of Black Label and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." Vinn replies, "Well, you see, I have two friends. One is in Polokwane, the other in Lebowakgomo, and I'm here in Pretoria. When I left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

Vinn becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way:   he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Vinny looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawn in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me…"

"…I've quit drinking!"